The Situation

Older brother Adam and younger brother Crosby have gone into business together to open “The Luncheonette,” a music recording studio.  For a receptionist, they’ve hired Rachel, the best qualified person they can afford – who also happens to be a very attractive, very shapely, young lady – all attributes that Adam’s wife Kristina just can’t help but immediately notice.

To summarize this specific episode, let me quote the Parenthood website directly:

“…Over at The Luncheonette, Crosby’s incredulous to learn that Rachel kissed Adam. For Crosby, it’s like Christmas came early – but now the question is should Adam tell Kristina? Adam tells Kristina everything. Crosby jokes around, but his message is clear. This is one thing Adam should NOT tell Kristina…”

Kristina and Adam have one of the most traditional marriages that you can possibly portray on TV.  They totally love and support each other in every way.  They share everything.  Adam’s dilemma is whether or not to tell her about getting kissed by their hot, young receptionist.  The secret is visibly killing him so he does come clean explaining how it all came about.  Kristina is taken by surprise but being the supportive wife that she is, she trusts Adam and is willing to accept his version of what happened ( “she kissed me – I didn’t kiss her back”).

She then says, “Well, I assume she’s no longer there.”  And that’s when Adam starts down the “dark path from which there is no return.”  He says, “Of course not” – a little white lie.  He then goes to bed knowing what he’d have to do the next day.

The problem is that for a number of reasons,  he doesn’t follow through.  He reprimands Rachel instead of firing her and the “little white lie” he told his wife the night before gets bigger and bigger.  Imagine Kristina’s shock when she calls the office a couple of days later and Rachel answers.

Ever had your relationship suffer a similar situation?  I’m sure you have.  This is a classic “powder keg” that can blow apart the most solid relationships.

Even though Adam got major points for telling Kristina about the kiss in the first place, he lied to her about firing Rachel.  That’s all Kristina sees – and she’s right.

From a man’s perspective, it was a “little white lie,” something so small, so trivial as to not even warrant a second thought.  He thought that by letting Kristina believe that Rachael was already gone, he would be able to calm the immediate situation and get a good night’s sleep.  Besides, he really intended to “correct” the situation in the morning – so it wasn’t really a “lie” after all, right?

From a woman’s perspective, a lie is a lie, period.  The “intent” – what you were going to do or not do – doesn’t matter.  The fact that this was a “little thing” makes it even worse because a woman believes that, “If I can’t trust you in a little thing, how can I ever trust you on the big things?”

Relationships 101

The first rule of relationships is that honesty rules.  Think about it.  When you’re in a relationship, you pretty much put everything about yourself out in the open:  where you came from, your family, your past, every dirty little thing.  The really neat part is that no matter how messed-up your past might be, your partner in the relationship doesn’t care – they still love you anyway!  How great a deal is that?

Want to know the one thing that can instantly kill the best thing you’ve got going?  Not being honest.  And you know what else?  There is no such thing as a “little” lie, white or any other color.  Being dishonest is being dishonest and once you start down this road, your relationship is in deep serious trouble unless you take immediate action.

The Truth Always Surfaces

Of course Kristina was going to find out.  The truth always seems to float to the surface right when you least expect it.  The same applies to your relationships.  The truth always comes out and you end up exposed as a liar.  Your partner feels betrayed, taken advantage of, gullible, lied to.  It’s really hard to recover from that, and many relationships don’t.

So don’t even go there.  When Kristina said, “Well, I assume she’s no longer there,” Adam should have told her the truth.  The ensuing conversation would have been completely different.  However, by taking the easy way out and telling a “little white lie,” Adam set himself up for failure – and inadvertently put his relationship at risk.  How this will affect the marriage will play out in future episodes I’m sure.  However, real-world relationships don’t often get the “Hollywood happy endings.”

Is It Worth It?

Is lying worth it?  That’s the question you’ve got to ask yourself every time you get put in the same type of situation.  Think about all the great things your relationship brings to your life and put all of that on one side of the scale.  On the other side of the scale, put the convenience you think telling a “little white lie” will buy you.  Is it worth the risk?  Of course not.  Not even close.

So again, don’t go there.  Your relationship is based on trust, so trust that your partner will understand and support you.  However, difficult it might be to be totally honest, it’s almost always a fraction of the emotional price you’ll pay if you tell a “little white lie” and then are found out.

Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach andPersonal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

P.S.  Be sure to get my latest Fitness Blueprint called “Little Things That Improve Your Health.”  This ebook is packed with loads of helpful information on how to build a better body and you can get it FREE – no email, no cookies, no catch.  Download and enjoy!

Email Me:  Hiram Perez   

Technorati Tags: honesty, relationships, truth, little white lies, parenthood, nbc, tv, marriage

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Still struggling to lose weight?  Have you tried one diet after another with little or no results?  Or worse, have you gained back more that what you lost on your last diet?  Losing weight shouldn’t be this hard!

Well, in truth, it’s not.  Losing weight is pretty simple.  Here’s what I recently learned becoming certified as a Fitness Nutrition Coach.

I recently completed the material for the NESTA Fitness Nutrition Coach certification.  They did a really good job of explaining how the body uses various nutrients.  Here’s some of what I learned about losing weight.

First, your current weight is an indication of your body’s energy balance.  If you burn off (energy going out) the same number of calories that you consume via eating (energy coming in), then your weight won’t change because the number of calories going out is exactly the same as the number of calories coming in.

However, if you eat more calories than you burn off (energy coming in > energy going out), then you’ll gain weight because you’re putting more calories into your body than the body can use.  It will simply store the extra calories as fat.

Conversely, if you burn more calories than you consume (energy coming < energy going out), then you’ll lose weight.  In this case, the body needs more calories than you’re giving it through eating so it uses some of the calories stored in fat to make up the difference.

Pretty straightforward, I know.  But how exactly do you apply this in a way that you can stick with on a day-to-day basis?  How do you put that into easy-to-follow steps?  Here’s where I figured out what the A-B-C’s of weight loss actually were.

A – Reduce Your Total Calories

OK, you should have seen that one coming.  But the first question I had was, “What exactly does that mean in terms of my daily eating habits?”  Are we just talking about dieting?

Well, yes and no.  Dieting is part of the answer, but not all of it.  Here’s why dieting alone usually doesn’t work.  Most experts agree that for permanent weight loss, your goal should be to lose 1-2 pounds per week.  If you’re losing any more than that, it’s probably water weight, not fat loss – which means it will eventually come back.

So let’s do a little math and see exactly how many calories 1-2 pounds translates into.  One pound equals approximately 3500 calories.  Therefore, if you want to lose 2 pounds in a week, you would have to reduce your total caloric intake for the week by 7000 calories (2 lbs x 3500 cal/lb = 7000 cal).

So what’s that on a daily basis?  Well, we need a reduction of 7000 calories per week and there’s 7 days in a week so dividing one by the other gives 1000 calories per day.  You would have to eat 1000 fewer calories each and every day.

Holy Smokes!  One Thousand Less Calories!  That’s huge!  If you’re eating around 2000 calories per day, then eating 1000 fewer calories means cutting your meals in half! Could you do that?  I know I can’t – at least not for more than a day or two.  This is exactly why most people who try to lose weight by dieting alone rarely find success. It’s just too high a hurdle to clear each and every day.

So what’s a more balanced approach?  One approach that will increase your chances of success is to combine dieting (reducing the total number of calories you consume) with some type of exercise (increase the total number of calories you burn off).  That’s the next step.

B – Increase Your Activity Level

Instead of trying to reduce your daily calorie intake by 1000 calories through dieting alone, it makes much more sense to combine dieting with exercise.  Here’s how it would work.

Remember our energy balance equation?  Energy coming in (via food) must be less than energy going out (through activity level) in order for us to lose weight.  There are 3 ways to accomplish this:

1. Through Dieting Alone. In other words, reduce the amount of food coming in and keep your activity level the same.  However, we’ve already discussed how difficult this is to maintain over the long term so this is not really a good option.
2. Through Exercise Alone. You can keep the amount of food constant and increase your activity level.  But you still  have to create a deficit of 1000 calories per day and if you’re not going to do it through dieting, that means you’ll have to burn it off.  There’s just one problem.  Do you realize how much exercise you have to do in order to burn off 1000 calories?  That’s about a 90 minute, non-stop cardio session.  And remember, you have do this each and every day.  Again, not something most people can stick with on a daily basis.
3. Using Both Dieting and Exercise. This is the balanced choice.  Instead of trying to loose (or burn) 1000 calories using one method alone, try losing half that amount (500 calories) with each method.  Seek to reduce your caloric intake by 500 calories – that’s about a 20-25% reduction in meal size.  I can probably do that just by cutting out snacks and soft drinks.  Second, seek to burn off an additional 500 calories by increasing your activity level through exercise.  I can probably burn off 500 calories in a 30-45 min cardio class with no problem.  Now you’ve got a weight reduction plan that’s doable, and one you can stick to.

C – Make better food choices

The last step is to make better food choices on the calories you do consume.  Choose foods that are nutrient rich, instead of energy rich.  For example, a Twinkie® and a large apple both have approximately the same number of calories (about 120).  Although the Twinkie provides a short-term “energy-rush,” the apple provides a number of nutrients (like fiber) that are missing from the Twinkie.  So make sure that the calories you do consume are from whole foods instead of processed ones.

So that’s the “secret” to weight loss:  reduce your total calories, increase your activity level, and make better food choices.  What turned on the lights for me was realizing that if you utilize all three steps in your weight loss plan, your chances of success go way up!

Give it shot.  I think you’ll not only find this kind of weight loss program easier to stick with, but you’ll also begin to get the permanent results you’re looking for.

Hiram
The Balanced Health Guy

Technorati Tags: Body Balance, calories, diet, Dieting, Eating Habits, Energy Balance, Fitness Nutrition, Gain Weight, Lose Weight, Losing Weight, Nutrients, Nutrition Coach, weight loss

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