I overheard two people talking the other day while I was waiting in line for something or another.  One person was telling their friend their plans for the upcoming weekend.  They described in complete detail where they were going, who they were going with, what they were going to do when they got there and how wonderful and perfect everything was going to be.  They ended by saying that they just couldn’t wait for the weekend to get here.

The second person said something that was pretty profound and that has really stuck with me…

The second person said that they tried not to look ahead to the weekend because all it did was make the days go by too fast, like time was flying past them.  As a result, they felt constantly stressed out from trying to “catch up” but never being able to.  “Sure, the weekends came quickly, but you never get the chance to accomplish everything to wanted to do during the week and before you know it, the entire week is gone.  The problem with focusing on tomorrow is that you lose today.”

My first thought was, “Wow.”  I don’t think you can say it any better.  The problem with focusing on tomorrow is that you lose today.

Let me give you an example of this principle in action.  I’m writing this the week before Thanksgiving so it’s relatively late in the year.  Christmas will be coming up soon, and then New Year’s.  You know the drill.  So let me ask you, when you get together with friends or family this time of year, what’s the one thing that almost always comes up?  Someone invariably says, “Boy, the year has sure gone by fast!”  and everyone around, including you, agrees.

Another example is when you’re looking at pictures of your kids (or grandkids).  One of the first things you notice is how much they’re grown.  What’s the very next thought that comes into your head?  Right – how fast time has flown by.

Why is that?  Why is it that time seems to fly by so quickly, especially when we get older?  I think the main reason is  because we’re always looking forward to the next “weekend.”  It may not be the actual weekend we’re looking forward to, it could be 5 pm, or next Wednesday, or Sunday evening, or any other date or event in the future.  When we do that, when we focus on what we’ll be doing and experiencing in the future, we sacrifice the present.

Turning Off the Autopilot

Ever go into “autopilot” while you’re driving?  You’re cruising down the highway, it’s a beautiful day, and you’re thinking about what you’re going to do once you get to wherever it is you’re going.  You can picture exactly how you’ll feel, what you’ll say, how you’ll act and how everyone else will react.  Then, when you arrive at your destination, you can’t remember a thing about the actual trip.  You can’t remember the traffic, the lights, the construction, nothing.  Ever happen to you?

Sure, we’ve all done it.  We’ve all spent time in the future dreaming, thinking, planning, and that’s OK.  However, we all need to understand that when we’re on “autopilot,” or focusing on the future, we’re missing out on what’s going on around us right now.

I highly recommend that you make a conscious effort to turn off the “autopilot” periodically.  Schedule an appointment with yourself in your day planner if you have to and when the scheduled time comes, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and visualize yourself reaching over to a big switch labeled “Autopilot” and flipping it to “OFF.”  Now open your eyes.

What do you see?  Look at some of the individual things around you.  No, no, don’t do a quick sweep and say, “OK, done.”  Pause and look at the things around you.  Let your eyes naturally come to rest on one individual thing.  Now, look deeper.  Notice details, texture, color, shape.  Take the time to look at something and really see it.  Then take a deep breath and go on to the next item around you.  Forget about everything else.  In fact, nothing else exists right now except you and the item you’re looking at.  Focus on nothing else.  Take another deep breath.

Now, expand your focus and take in the entire room or the entire landscape.  Notice how all of the individual items fit together to form the bigger picture.  Notice how clear and colorful everything is.

How does this make you feel?  Did you see things you never saw before?  Did it generate some new ideas or thoughts about things you should be working on, or which direction you should be moving in?

For some people, quickly changing from a micro-focus to a macro-focus can be disorienting.  Some people actually get dizzy.  But being able to “stay in the moment” while visualizing and planning the future is key to achieving your goals.

Watching Where you’re Going as well as Where you Step.

Learning how to balance the “todays” with the “tomorrows” is a key part of a successful life.  Yes, you need both long term and short term plans.  You need to know that you’re heading in the right general direction and that all your efforts and hard work will eventually get you to the specific destination you planned on ending up at.  So you do need to focus on “tomorrow.”

However, you also need to make sure you’re watching where you place your next step.  Otherwise, you might step right off a cliff destroying any chance of ever reaching your long term goals.  In other words, you also need to focus on “today.”

My grandmother, who still remembered the horse-and-buggy days used to tell me to “keep your shoulder to the wheel but look up every once in a while to make sure you’re not pushing the cart into the ditch.” I think she had it right.  “Keep your shoulder to the wheel” means to focus on the things you need to do today in order to keep your goals moving forward.  The rest of the saying pretty much speaks for itself.  Don’t get so caught up in your day-to-day activities that your life goes into the ditch.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving Holidays!

Hiram
The Balanced Health Guy
Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

Technorati Tags: goals, goal setting, planning, focus, visualize, health, emotion, balance, time management, future

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The following post is not one of mine and you can probably find it on other sites.  But the advice it gives is still pretty good and may help you and your spouse find some time for each other.  I hope you enjoy it.  — Hiram

The first thing to do is consider all the distractions of daily life. With children, time commitments can be significant and can be all encompassing. There are car pools, school meetings, sports, birthday parties, homework, shopping trips, and it seems never ending sometimes. These things all help a child to develop social skills and are very important; however, so is your time alone with your spouse and you must try to find a balance.

Spreading the Load

Maybe you can figure a way to lighten the burden on both of you with regards to all the children’s activities by involving others, such as grandparents or aunts and uncles, to take on some of the picking up and dropping off chores. Most grandparents would love to have more time with their grandkids and would find the drive time a good opportunity to communicate more with the kids. What seems like a chore to you could be very enjoyable for the grandparents. Today kids are so busy that they often have little time to spend hours with grandparents so these encounters can be a special time.

Maybe you can have a party away from your home at a pizza place or at a sporting event so you do not have to spend hours cleaning and preparing foods, etc. There are bird spotting tours and leaf identification tours that are lead by a Park Ranger which kids will love and will teach them the joys of being outside and nature. The time they are on the supervised hike can be a good time for you and your husband to take a short walk together and discuss some important issues or just relax and spend the time together.

Finding Time for the Two of You

The idea is to look at the week activities and see what time you can carve out for you and your husband alone. To have that time to speak to your spouse uninterrupted and to show care and concern are vital to a good marriage. It will make the time you do spend with the children much more productive for them and you as well.

A child senses when the parents are in sync in their marriage. The old saying, “The best gift you can give a child is happy parents” holds true in this modern day and age when everyone is so rushed and so intent on doing everything quickly. Take some time to preserve your love and concern for your husband or wife and it will pay off in happier children and more loving and nurturing for the family as a whole.

Plan your life and do not just let the world set up all the pressures that need to be met. Make your own goals for your family, your marriage, and your peace of mind.

Technorati Tags: family, relationships, marriage, romance, time management, grandparents, stress, children

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