In both cases, the message that was brought home to me is that no matter how long or how short our time on earth is, whenever that time is up, it’s always too soon.

One of my friends is a firefighter and he was telling me of an accident scene that he had responded to that morning very near my house.  Firefighters are frequently called out to car accidents in my city to either help extract the occupants from the tangled metal car frames or to prevent any leaking gasoline from igniting.

He described a scene in which a car with two young women had pulled out of an intersection only to be “T-Boned” by another car that had run a red light and was traveling at a high rate of speed.  The two women were killed instantly.

Knowing the exact intersection he was talking about, I made it a point to stop there on my way home from work that same afternoon.  I paused and purposely tried to make myself open and receptive to whatever might come up.  Know what the first thing I felt was?

Now, before I go on, let me emphasize that I am not “paranormal” or “psychic” or anything like that, and no, I don’t own a Ouija Board.  Heck, I can’t even watch “Ghost Whisperer” on TV without rolling my eyes.  However, I do believe that some type of energy animates our bodies and that when we die, that energy is not destroyed.  Some people call that “energy” a soul.  Regardless, there is some part of us that lives on and sometimes that “essence” or “energy” lingers for a while.

The first thing I felt when I paused at the corner where those two women had been killed was a deep felling of regret.  It was a regret of all the things they had planned to do but that now would never happen.  Regret of all the things that they really wanted to tell people but that now would be left unsaid.  Regret that their time on earth was too soon gone.

No, it wasn’t anything  “spooky” nor did I get a cold, clammy feeling down the back of my neck.  It was just an overwhelming feeling of regret.  I’m sure that if anyone had paused at that corner for just a second, they would have felt it too.

The lessons from all of this should be pretty plain:

• First, none of us live forever. Our time on this earth is limited.  This fact is not something to be denied or ignored.  Actually, it should be embraced – and used to spur us on to accomplish those things we always dreamed of.
• Second, live your life so there are no regrets at the end of it. That means doing the things you want to do TODAY instead of constantly putting them off.  That means telling people how you really feel about them TODAY instead of waiting for “just the right moment.”  It means having your “affairs in order,” all of them – physical ones, emotional ones, relationships, and religious ones.  That means saying “I’m sorry” as well as “I love you.”
• Appreciate the moment. There is nothing else.  You can’t relive yesterday.  You can’t live tomorrow.  You can only experience life today, right now, in this exact moment.  Make the most of it.

None of us know when our time here will be over.  All we know for sure is that it will be over.  Use that knowledge to motivate you to live each day to the fullest.  In the words of Tim McGraw, learn to “live like you were dyin’.”

Hiram
Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

Technorati Tags: funeral, death, regret, grief, life, motivation, accident

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It’s a horrible thing to go through.  Everyone runs around trying to look busy but no work is actually being performed.  How could it?  There are bigger issues to consider.  Every time two or more people get together, the first priority is to trade the latest rumors, opinions, or predictions.

And then it comes.  It’s your turn.  The skies seem to darken and it becomes difficult to breathe as your manager’s voice comes over the intercom, “I need to see you in my office.”  You can’t feel your legs as you walk down the hall in a daze while everyone looks at you with a sympathetic look that basically says  “dead man walking.”  And just like that, your job is gone.

How do you live through losing your job?  How do you possibly carry on?  How do you survive a layoff?

Part of You is Lost.

For most of us, our job is part of who we are.  It helps defines us.  Rightly or wrongly, most us identify very closely with what we do for a living.  What’s the very first question (at least for guys) that you ask, or get asked, right after you met someone for the first time?  It’s usually something like,  “What kind of work do you do?”

That’s what makes it so hard to deal with losing your job.  You feel like a part of you has died, and to some extent, it has.  You go through the same emotions that you would at the end of a love affair or the death of a family member.  So it might help to start by knowing what those emotions are so you can be prepared for them when they hit you.

The Phases of Grief.

Experts tell us that most people go through the following emotional phases as part of the grieving process.  Some people go through each phase pretty quickly and some get stuck in one phase or another.  The phases are:

• First is Shock.  You’re dumbfounded and dazed at the news that your job is ending.  You can’t think, you can’t feel.  You just feel numb.  Once the reality begins to sink in however, your initial shock wears off and you move to the next phase.
• Second, is Denial and/or Bargaining.  You can’t believe this is happening to you, no, you won’t believe it!  Or you try to “bargain” with your boss, or even with God, in order to reverse the situation.  However, once you realize that nothing is changing, you move to the next phase.
• Next is Guilt.  You begin to think that maybe it was your own fault that you lost your job.  You start thinking things like “if only I had worked harder” or “if only I hadn’t messed up that report.”  If only.  Unfortunately, a lot of people get stuck in this phase.  When you finally realize that getting laid off was not your fault, you move to the next phase.
• Anger.  Now you get pissed at your boss, at your company, at your coworkers, at everybody.  You seem to be filled with anger.  You think, “Well if they can’t appreciate the job I was doing, then screw them!”  This anger provides the energy that you’ll need in order to make it through the next phase.
• Depression - another phase that some people get stuck in.  You can’t afford to spend too much time here.  Yes, I know it feels good to wallow in despair but after you’ve counted up all your bills, gone through a couple boxes of tissues and wondered, “how are we ever going to get through this,” you’ve got to move on to the final stage.
• Acceptance and Determination.  In this last stage, you’ve finally come to the realization that your job is gone and that your boss isn’t going to call saying that it was all a big mistake.  At this stage, you accept what’s happened and you’re ready to move forward.  You’re ready to re-take control of your life.

It’s key to understand that everybody goes through these phases.  It’s a natural part of grieving the loss of your old job and the part of you that used to work there.   The trick is getting through these emotional phases as quickly as possible.  Obviously, the quicker you get through them, the sooner you can get back out there and begin to put the pieces of your career back together.

Here are some tips that will help you move from one phase to another.

Moving Past It.

First, get yourself in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and understand fully that YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB.  The fact that your job was terminated does not make you any less than the wonderful, talented person you already are.  It really is the company’s loss, not yours.  Look at yourself in the mirror and actually say the words, “I am not my job.  I am still the wonderful, talented person I was before and I WILL make it through this.  I WILL find another job.” Once you can do this without feeling any doubt or reservation, you’re on your way to getting back on your feet.

Second, let your emotions rule — but not for too long. It’s OK to feel angry, guilty, or depressed.  It’s OK to watch TV and eat ice cream all day.  Let your emotions out and let them rule — but don’t let yourself get stuck there.  Set a time limit.  Tell yourself that, “Tuesday is my ‘feel-sorry-for-myself’ day.  The rest of the week I’ll be working full time on getting myself employed again.” Don’t try to keep your emotions bottled up inside.  That never works.  They’re going to eventually come pouring out and that’s OK — as long as they come out on your timetable, not theirs.

Next, don’t suffer in silence. Let everyone know you’ve been laid off.  Don’t feel guilty or embarrassed because you’ve lost your job.  Tell everyone you know — and even the people you don’t know — that you’ve been laid off.  First of all, the emotional support and encouragement will help lift you up.  Second, you never know when someone will know about a job opening somewhere.  So don’t suffer in silence.  Find a support group, or a networking group, or just hang out with your friends.  Now more than ever it’s important that you keep your social connections active.

Fourth, don’t kid yourself. It’s important that you stay rooted in reality when it comes to your finances.  If you need to modify your lifestyle, do so sooner rather than later.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can get a job anytime and therefore, you can afford to continue to spend like there’s no tomorrow.  Getting a new job takes time, especially nowadays with countless interviews, background and reference checks, medical and drug tests, and so on.  You need to plan for that.

Finally, get back out there with optimism and determination. You DO have talent.  You WILL find another job.  Sure, it’s a royal hassle going from place to place and filling out countless applications but that’s just part of the process.  You have to believe that each application, each interview, gets you a little bit closer to getting hired.  Your job hunting “engine” is fueled by optimism and determination so make sure you keep an ample supply of both.

Stay Healthy.

Throughout this process, make sure you keep your body healthy by eating right and exercising.  It’s OK to have some “comfort food” once in a while but don’t make it a routine part of your diet — and don’t forget to work it off with plenty of exercise.  Exercise and proper nutrition will help you work through those “poor me” periods and stay focused on moving forward towards a new job or career.

Keep The Faith.

In conclusion, keep your faith strong.  Things will get better.  Your life will eventually return to normal.  You will survive.

Hiram
The Balanced Health Guy

Technorati Tags: layoff, depression, grief, laid off, fired, employment, job, economy, recession, work, downsized

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