Weird isn’t it?  We’ve lived together for so long that she’s become a part of me, a part of who I am.  It’s hard for me to even imagine my life without her physically being there and then bang, one day I turned around to say something to her and she wasn’t there.  It felt, well, weird.

Then there’s all the household stuff.  You know, the dirty dishes, the laundry, all the stuff that used to somehow get taken care of that now just accumulates until I finally get around to it.  This separation is really going to take some getting used to.

Still, there are a couple of things we’ve done to cope with being apart.  If you’re a military spouse, none of these will be new.  However, for those couples for whom separation is a new experience, these tips might help you get through.

1.  Maintain frequent communication by whatever means you can.  Couples need to talk.  When you’re physically together, it’s simple to just turn and say what you need to say.  Constant communication is the “glue” that keeps the relationship together.  When you’re physically apart, communication becomes more of a challenge.  However, it’s critical that you maintain it by whatever means you can.  That means:

a.  Phone Calls.  Most cell phone plans now allow nationwide calls so there’s really no such thing as “long distance” charges any more or you can use any of the web-based phone services such as Skype.

b.  Video Chats.  We set up a webcam on our computers so we could see each other’s face while we chatted.  Seeing the other person makes a real difference.  Video chats still leave a lot to be desired since the video sometimes freezes or blacks out altogether (depending on your Internet speeds) but still, seeing the face of your loved one makes a real difference.

c.  FaceTime.  Got an iPhone 4?  Use the FaceTime feature to turn your phone call into a video call.  It’s a huge improvement over a webcam.  We’ve found the video to be much faster and responsive than a webcam.  Don’t have an iPhone 4?  Then use one of the many video-call alternatives such as Qik.

d.  Email & Text Messages.  Yeah, email is pretty impersonal but hey, it still counts as a form of communication.  Same goes for text messages although with SMS, you can add emoticons ( ) to spice them up a bit.

e.  Cards and Letters.  Try communication the old fashion way – in writing.  Or take the easy way out and run down to the drug store and pick up a Hallmark card that says, “I Miss You.”  Either way, getting a card or letter in the mail says that your special someone is thinking about you.

2.  Keep a routine.  Even though your “other half” might be missing, there’s still plenty of stuff around the house to keep you busy.  Jump into it.  You’ll obviously have to pick up whatever chores were being done by your missing partner so work that into your routine as well.  Yeah, it’s a hassle but it will keep you busy instead of allowing you to sit around feeling lonely.

3.  Stay healthy.  Really feeling the absence of your partner?  Go out for a quick walk or jog.  Dealing with the emotional side of separation is difficult enough so make sure to keep your body in good shape.  That means eating right and getting plenty of exercise.  With no one to watch (and comment on) how much ice cream you go through, it’s really easy to pack on the pounds when your spouse is away.

4.  Keep your emotions in check.  OK, this one’s hard but you’ve got to try to keep yourself from feeling lonely, mopey, and miserable.  The best way I’ve found to cope with the emotional side of having to live alone for a while is to keep busy following all the previous recommendations.

5.  Value the Relationship Above All Else.  Being together is what nourishes a relationship.  However, with today’s economy, more and more couples are having to take temporary, and sometimes even permanent, assignments apart from each other in order to make financial ends meet.  That’s OK as long as you make sure that you work just as hard on keeping the relationship alive and healthy.

Having to live apart for a while is tough on a couple.  You have to learn a whole new household routine while dealing with the emotional roller-coaster that goes along with it.  But by following these tips and figuring out a couple on your own, you can get through it.

For my part, I’ve found that after some of our phone conversations, my lips hurt from smiling so much.  The last time that happened was when we were dating!  Still, I wish we were together….

Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach andPersonal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

P.S.  Be sure to get my latest Fitness Blueprint called “Little Things That Improve Your Health.”  This ebook is packed with loads of helpful information on how to build a better body and you can get it FREE – no email, no cookies, no catch.  Download and enjoy!

Email Me:  Hiram Perez   

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1. Being Present in a Relationship

The Situation

Older brother Adam and younger brother Crosby have gone into business together to open “The Luncheonette,” a music recording studio.  For a receptionist, they’ve hired Rachel, the best qualified person they can afford – who also happens to be a very attractive, very shapely, young lady – all attributes that Adam’s wife Kristina just can’t help but immediately notice.

To summarize this specific episode, let me quote the Parenthood website directly:

“…Over at The Luncheonette, Crosby’s incredulous to learn that Rachel kissed Adam. For Crosby, it’s like Christmas came early – but now the question is should Adam tell Kristina? Adam tells Kristina everything. Crosby jokes around, but his message is clear. This is one thing Adam should NOT tell Kristina…”

Kristina and Adam have one of the most traditional marriages that you can possibly portray on TV.  They totally love and support each other in every way.  They share everything.  Adam’s dilemma is whether or not to tell her about getting kissed by their hot, young receptionist.  The secret is visibly killing him so he does come clean explaining how it all came about.  Kristina is taken by surprise but being the supportive wife that she is, she trusts Adam and is willing to accept his version of what happened ( “she kissed me – I didn’t kiss her back”).

She then says, “Well, I assume she’s no longer there.”  And that’s when Adam starts down the “dark path from which there is no return.”  He says, “Of course not” – a little white lie.  He then goes to bed knowing what he’d have to do the next day.

The problem is that for a number of reasons,  he doesn’t follow through.  He reprimands Rachel instead of firing her and the “little white lie” he told his wife the night before gets bigger and bigger.  Imagine Kristina’s shock when she calls the office a couple of days later and Rachel answers.

Ever had your relationship suffer a similar situation?  I’m sure you have.  This is a classic “powder keg” that can blow apart the most solid relationships.

Even though Adam got major points for telling Kristina about the kiss in the first place, he lied to her about firing Rachel.  That’s all Kristina sees – and she’s right.

From a man’s perspective, it was a “little white lie,” something so small, so trivial as to not even warrant a second thought.  He thought that by letting Kristina believe that Rachael was already gone, he would be able to calm the immediate situation and get a good night’s sleep.  Besides, he really intended to “correct” the situation in the morning – so it wasn’t really a “lie” after all, right?

From a woman’s perspective, a lie is a lie, period.  The “intent” – what you were going to do or not do – doesn’t matter.  The fact that this was a “little thing” makes it even worse because a woman believes that, “If I can’t trust you in a little thing, how can I ever trust you on the big things?”

Relationships 101

The first rule of relationships is that honesty rules.  Think about it.  When you’re in a relationship, you pretty much put everything about yourself out in the open:  where you came from, your family, your past, every dirty little thing.  The really neat part is that no matter how messed-up your past might be, your partner in the relationship doesn’t care – they still love you anyway!  How great a deal is that?

Want to know the one thing that can instantly kill the best thing you’ve got going?  Not being honest.  And you know what else?  There is no such thing as a “little” lie, white or any other color.  Being dishonest is being dishonest and once you start down this road, your relationship is in deep serious trouble unless you take immediate action.

The Truth Always Surfaces

Of course Kristina was going to find out.  The truth always seems to float to the surface right when you least expect it.  The same applies to your relationships.  The truth always comes out and you end up exposed as a liar.  Your partner feels betrayed, taken advantage of, gullible, lied to.  It’s really hard to recover from that, and many relationships don’t.

So don’t even go there.  When Kristina said, “Well, I assume she’s no longer there,” Adam should have told her the truth.  The ensuing conversation would have been completely different.  However, by taking the easy way out and telling a “little white lie,” Adam set himself up for failure – and inadvertently put his relationship at risk.  How this will affect the marriage will play out in future episodes I’m sure.  However, real-world relationships don’t often get the “Hollywood happy endings.”

Is It Worth It?

Is lying worth it?  That’s the question you’ve got to ask yourself every time you get put in the same type of situation.  Think about all the great things your relationship brings to your life and put all of that on one side of the scale.  On the other side of the scale, put the convenience you think telling a “little white lie” will buy you.  Is it worth the risk?  Of course not.  Not even close.

So again, don’t go there.  Your relationship is based on trust, so trust that your partner will understand and support you.  However, difficult it might be to be totally honest, it’s almost always a fraction of the emotional price you’ll pay if you tell a “little white lie” and then are found out.

Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach andPersonal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

P.S.  Be sure to get my latest Fitness Blueprint called “Little Things That Improve Your Health.”  This ebook is packed with loads of helpful information on how to build a better body and you can get it FREE – no email, no cookies, no catch.  Download and enjoy!

Email Me:  Hiram Perez   

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After having the full battery of tests performed and getting her checked into a room, her temperature started to come down and the pain started to subside to the point that she started to critique the bedside manner of the nurses attending her.  THAT’s when the fun began!

Now, being a nurse and a patient at the same time is a double-edged sword.  On the plus side, you have ample medical knowledge and experience so you usually know what your body’s doing.  You also tend to have a pretty good network of medical professionals as well as access to all the medical “back channels.”  For example, Teri called and left a message for her doctor and the guy actually called her back!  

On the negative side, you can’t help but compare what everyone is doing, or not doing, with how you would have done it.  I got an earful of which nurse knew what they were doing and which one(s) didn’t have a clue.  After a while, I started to get an idea of how a hospital ward functions.

It turns out that there are nurses with two different nursing “styles.”  The first is hands on and proactive.  At the beginning of each shift, the nurse is supposed to make their rounds going to each patient, introducing themselves, and putting their hands physically on the patient as they check pulse, listen to their breathing, check their IV, and so on.  It doesn’t sound like much but an experienced nurse can tell a lot from this – like whether or not the patient is lucid and responsive, for example.  Being proactive and looking for potential problems before they occur is how Teri was taught so she expected the same kind of treatment.

The second nursing “style” is reactive.  This type of nurse clocks in and sits at the front desk and watches the board or does paperwork.  They assume that if a patient is having a problem, they’ll push the call button.  Then the nurse will get up and go see what the problem is and deal with it.  If no one calls with a problem, they won’t go looking for one.  This kind of nurse drives Teri bats, and after unsuccessfully waiting close to an hour after shift change for the nurse to show up, Teri finally went out to the Nurses Station looking for her.  She told me later that they had “had words.”

Why the difference I wondered?  One answer is the shortage of qualified nurses.  One blog post titled “The American Nurse, our New Endangered Species,” put it this way:

It’s the year 2020 and you’re in the hospital for a minor elective procedure that requires an overnight stay.  Lying in your bed, you try to call for a nurse.  You send your Tweet to the nurses desk.  No nurse.  You Tweet again, and again, and again.  Where is the nurse????  The nurse never comes, because there are no nurses.

A bit farfetched, but the American health system has a problem brewing that has nothing to do with the current healthcare reform legislation.  According to Marla Salmon, Dean of the University of Washington School Of Nursing, “We’re actually at a crisis point in terms of the shortage of nurses.” 

So add being short staffed and overworked to the already overloaded US medical system.   However, this post isn’t about what’s wrong with the healthcare system.  I wanted to pass along some advice on how best to deal with it.

So what can you do if you’re a patient?  Do the same thing Teri did – get out of bed (if you can, of course) and track down to the Nurses Station and ask who your nurse is.  Ask how long their shift is.  Ask what your treatment regimen is.  Ask what instructions (if any) the doctor left.  These are all things the nurse should have come and told you when they began their shift.  If they didn’t – if it’s starting to look like they’re not the proactive type – then YOU need to be the one that’s proactive.  

Some people just don’t want to be a bother.  However, you can NOT take that attitude when you’re in the hospital.  You’ve got to be like Teri – a “squeaky wheel” that keeps calling until they get what they’re supposed to be getting, when they’re supposed to be getting it.  If your doctor prescribes a type of medication every 4 hours (like an antibiotic), you need to have it every 4 hours – not whenever the nurse gets around to it.

When I went to check Teri out of the hospital, most of the other nurses were glad to see her go.  However, she left healthy – which was the whole point of the hospital stay in the first place!

Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

P.S. Be sure to get my latest Fitness Blueprint called “Little Things That Improve Your Health.” This ebook is packed with loads of helpful information on how to build a better body and you can get it FREE – for a limited time.  Just click on the title to be taken to the download page.  Enjoy!

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Now you and I don’t normally have to worry about the “demands of battle” but we do have to deal with the demands and stress of modern life – work responsibilities, family needs, church or social obligations, and of course, bills, bills, bills.  It wears you down and just like a soldier, you occasionally need a little R&R time in order to de-stress and recharge.

So here are a couple of tips to keep in mind when planning your next R&R time:

1. R&R is Different From a Vacation. A vacation is usually only taken during the summer, when the kids are off from school.  Vacations also tend to be big dramatic events with set schedules, planned events, and specific timetables.  That’s not what I mean by R&R.  In many cases, people experience way more stress trying to plan and take the perfect vacation than they ever experience at work.  R&R time is true rest and relaxation time when you let all the stress and worries slip away.  It’s time spent reading a good book or simply engaging in conversation with your significant other (remember the last time you both really talked?).  R&R time is not about doing activities or seeing the sights.  It’s about letting your soul take a deep breath.
2. R&R Time can be as Short or as Long as You Need. Take a week or take a day.  If you spend it properly and with the right mindset, no matter how much time you have, it’s enough.
3. When You Need It, You Need It. I know I’m writing this post at the end of the summer vacation season but once again, R&R time is not the same as a scheduled vacation.  If you find yourself suffering from modern-day “battle fatigue,” it’s time for a little R&R.
4. Get Out of Your Foxhole. Make sure to change your scenery.  Get out of the office, get out of the house, or if necessary, get out of town.  The key for soldiers on the battlefield was to get out of the “foxhole.”  You need to do the same.
5. Don’t Plan Too Much. Teri and I just got back from a trip to the Grand Canyon (hence the picture).  No schedule.  No itinerary.  No tours.  No plans.  No rush to get here or there or requests to “please stay with the group.”  We were just there – and it was great!  Without having to worry about what time it was or without having to be at a certain place at a certain time, we were completely free to simply enjoy being there – which leads me to the next tip:
6. Wherever You Are, Be There. The only way R&R time works is if you truly leave all your cares and worries (and stress) behind.  Better stated, this tip should be “Wherever You Are, Be THERE,” not mentally back at home or at work worrying about how you’re going to get through the pile of work, bills, assignments, or whatever, that you left sitting on your desk or counter top.
7. Come Back Recharged. No, taking some R&R time does not make all your problems disappear.  But it does make you better able to tackle them.  With a recharged mind and spirit, you’ve got a much better chance of finding a solution.

So the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed out, take a little R&R time away from the “battlefield.”   Give yourself some time to recharge and you’ll tackle those problems with a clear mind and a renewed spirit.

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1. Mini-Vacation Benefits

How do you break that cycle?  How do you get your life back on the right road?

I got an interesting email the other day that seems to answer that exact question.  It’s from Perry Marshall, an industry expert in marketing.  I’ve purchased some of Perry’s products and his advice is always solid.  I thought I’d share his email so I’ve posted it, along with his links, in it’s entirety:

---

From: email@perrymarshall.com [mailto:email@perrymarshall.com] On Behalf Of Perry Marshall
Sent: Monday, June 14, 2010 8:44 AM
To: Hiram
Subject: Phone call from my old boss who fired me -

Hiram,

It was a Friday. I was about 10 minutes late for work. Before I could put my lunch in the refrigerator, Wally & Fred called me into Wally’s office.

Something did not feel right.

“Perry, we’re going to have to let you go. Things just aren’t working out and it’s time to cut you loose.”

We’d had the pleading conversation about giving me one more chance 2-3 times already. That discussion just wasn’t gonna happen again.

2 years before when they’d hired me, Wally said, “Perry is a sales guy just waiting to happen.” Now Perry was *still* a sales guy ‘just waiting to happen’ and they had waited long enough.

I drove the long commute back home. When I walked in the back door at 9:30 in the morning, it only took Laura about one second to figure out what happened. (It was about the 5th or 6th job I’d been fired from, and she was starting to get accustomed to this.)

Firing me was the l-a-s-t thing Wally and Fred wanted to do. Other than the long string of failed sales contracts, we all liked each other just fine. They all had families; terminating a young guy with an 18 month old baby girl who’d been born just after he started wasn’t exactly their idea of a fun team-building exercise.

But it didn’t really matter how much “I love you / you love me / we’re a happy family” we all had together, business is business and sales is sales. If you can’t bring home the bacon, you don’t get breakfast.

In moments like that, you make decisions, vows, inner resolutions.

I made a decision to prove to those guys that Wally had been right at the very beginning and I really *was* a sales guy waiting to happen. “Someday. . . . I’ll show those guys. . . .” I swore under my breath.

Part of me was tempted to want ‘revenge’ but I held that emotion in check. They were just doing what they had to do after all.

But even more than that, I made a decision that somehow or another I was going to find *something* that worked. Everything I’d tried to sell for the previous 7 years had failed.

It’s a horrible feeling when you’re X years old [however old that happens to be] and hardly anything you’ve ever done has been successful.

That was 12 years ago.

Well guess what happened the other day? Fred called me out of the blue.

He asked me if I could help him with his company’s marketing. I hadn’t seen him since the day I got fired. Shortly after we parted, he started a new firm.

Last week we had lunch on the patio of an Italian restaurant.

This time, he drove the long commute from the Northwest Suburbs to come see me.

He brought his operations manager. I was telling the guy how my time with Fred was just one of those seasons of life where nothing was working. Fred chimes in: “Well it wasn’t from lack of effort. Perry tried EVERYTHING.”

I nod. Yep that’s right, I tried just about everything.

Fred asks me, “Any regrets?”

I shake my head vigorously. “No regrets. Not one. Things happen for a reason and there are just certain things you have to learn. Sometimes the lessons are hard. That job didn’t work out but it prepared me superbly for the next job, which worked splendidly.”

As we’re talking I think back and am truly thankful for all the tools I put on my tool belt during that horribly painful time. Not a week goes by that I don’t draw from something I learned during those 2 years.

And I’m reminded how powerful it is to have an attitude of gratitude even when, in the moment, it doesn’t really feel like you have anything to be thankful for at all.

I can promise you, it didn’t *feel* like I had much to be thankful for then. But that just wasn’t true. There wasn’t much fat to go around, but I was building LOTS of muscle.

And you know what. . . it’s been the same story in *every* department of my life. All the various times of relationship conflicts, problems with kids, therapy sessions, financial struggles, evil bosses, botched deals, deadbeat co-workers . . . all were seasons of building muscles, building muscles, building muscles.

During that time years ago I was desperate and I did LOTS of soul searching. Fred asked me what finally made my career start to click.

I said, “I was an ‘OK’ salesman back then and I was getting killed by the ‘good’ salesmen. But when I went from selling something where techie skills were *helpful* to selling something where techie skills were *mandatory*, everything started to take off.”

That made complete sense to him. The geek department is my #1 strength and everything I’ve done since then has taken full advantage of my geek background.

In hindsight, all the tweaking and wrangling in the world wouldn’t have made that job work well. Yes there are a lot of things we could have done better, failed projects we could have saved. Most of the key ingredients were there, but at the end of the day I was trying to pound a square peg into a round hole. The job was at war with my inner geek.

So. . . was it the *wrong* job? Was it a mistake to work there in the first place?

No.

Sometimes you pick up a LOT of skills during those seasons of pounding square pegs into round holes. (To be completely honest, the pegs almost NEVER fit perfectly anyway, do they??? They sure haven’t for me!)

Whatever life is throwing at you at the moment, you focus on the positive, express gratitude, and believe that there is a bigger picture that you truly are cracking the code on.

And I’d like you to consider that if you happen to be in a situation like my old job where lots of things are almost working but nothing is actually working, it might be because all the little things are right and there’s just one “BIG” thing that’s wrong.

Sometimes when you fix that one BIG thing, your fortunes reverse.

Meanwhile, thanks Fred. . . and Wally. . . and Nick and Ron and Gary and Jim and Mike and all the other odd assorted characters I’ve moshed with along the way.

My friend, I hope you can feel gratitude for whatever crazy things you’ve gone through and whatever punches you’ve rolled with. There’s an old proverb “faithful are the wounds of a friend” and it’s really true. The laboratory of reality was saying “Time to move on” and Wally and Fred did the right thing by listening to it.

And just remember . . . you never know when things may come full circle, when you find that you’ve earned the respect you so desperately craved in a prior season of life.

You never know when someone you were useless to way back when, will suddenly find you useful. And maybe even necessary.

You’re welcome to share your own stories at http://www.perrymarshall.com/9244/old-boss/

Perry Marshall

Perry S. Marshall & Assoc
159 N. Marion Street #295
Oak Park, IL 60301
United States
(312) 458-9102

Great advice Perry.  Learn to take the “long view” and treat your temporary setbacks as learning experiences.  Keep your eyes open for that one “big thing” in your personal make-up that might be pulling you in the wrong direction and get it fixed.  And most of all, be grateful for everything that’s happened in your life — good or bad — because these are the things that have made you into who you are today and provide the building blocks for who you’ll be tomorrow.

Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

P.S.  Be sure to get my latest Fitness Blueprint called “Little Things That Improve Your Health.”  This ebook is packed with loads of helpful information on how to build a better body and you can get it FREE – for a limited time.  Just click on the title to be taken to the download page.  Enjoy!

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This one was about the relationship that we form with our pets and how through the unconditional love and loyalty they give us, we become better people.

I thought I’d share it with you.

A  Dog’s Purpose  (from  a 6-year-old)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the  family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and  offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for  the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.  The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting  the old dog for the last time, that I wondered  if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after  Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad  fact that animal lives are shorter than human  lives.  Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me.  I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.  It has changed the way I try and live.

He said, ”People are born so that they can learn  how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?”  The  Six-year-old continued, ”Well, dogs already know  how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as  long.”

What a great story.  Would that we all had the same basic nature as dogs – that we could “love everybody and be nice.”  That we could assume the best in people instead of the worst.  That we could face each new day with unbridled joy and openly express our happiness to be around those we care most about.  That we could totally live for today instead of hoping for some “tomorrow” that might never come.  What kind of world would that be?

Hiram

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In both cases, the message that was brought home to me is that no matter how long or how short our time on earth is, whenever that time is up, it’s always too soon.

One of my friends is a firefighter and he was telling me of an accident scene that he had responded to that morning very near my house.  Firefighters are frequently called out to car accidents in my city to either help extract the occupants from the tangled metal car frames or to prevent any leaking gasoline from igniting.

He described a scene in which a car with two young women had pulled out of an intersection only to be “T-Boned” by another car that had run a red light and was traveling at a high rate of speed.  The two women were killed instantly.

Knowing the exact intersection he was talking about, I made it a point to stop there on my way home from work that same afternoon.  I paused and purposely tried to make myself open and receptive to whatever might come up.  Know what the first thing I felt was?

Now, before I go on, let me emphasize that I am not “paranormal” or “psychic” or anything like that, and no, I don’t own a Ouija Board.  Heck, I can’t even watch “Ghost Whisperer” on TV without rolling my eyes.  However, I do believe that some type of energy animates our bodies and that when we die, that energy is not destroyed.  Some people call that “energy” a soul.  Regardless, there is some part of us that lives on and sometimes that “essence” or “energy” lingers for a while.

The first thing I felt when I paused at the corner where those two women had been killed was a deep felling of regret.  It was a regret of all the things they had planned to do but that now would never happen.  Regret of all the things that they really wanted to tell people but that now would be left unsaid.  Regret that their time on earth was too soon gone.

No, it wasn’t anything  “spooky” nor did I get a cold, clammy feeling down the back of my neck.  It was just an overwhelming feeling of regret.  I’m sure that if anyone had paused at that corner for just a second, they would have felt it too.

The lessons from all of this should be pretty plain:

• First, none of us live forever. Our time on this earth is limited.  This fact is not something to be denied or ignored.  Actually, it should be embraced – and used to spur us on to accomplish those things we always dreamed of.
• Second, live your life so there are no regrets at the end of it. That means doing the things you want to do TODAY instead of constantly putting them off.  That means telling people how you really feel about them TODAY instead of waiting for “just the right moment.”  It means having your “affairs in order,” all of them – physical ones, emotional ones, relationships, and religious ones.  That means saying “I’m sorry” as well as “I love you.”
• Appreciate the moment. There is nothing else.  You can’t relive yesterday.  You can’t live tomorrow.  You can only experience life today, right now, in this exact moment.  Make the most of it.

None of us know when our time here will be over.  All we know for sure is that it will be over.  Use that knowledge to motivate you to live each day to the fullest.  In the words of Tim McGraw, learn to “live like you were dyin’.”

Hiram
Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

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How true.  How many of us are really grateful for the people in our lives, for all the things they do, for all the ways they care for us and about us – and yet, we never let them know?  How many of us have a mental “closet” filled with carefully wrapped gifts that we have never given to those we care most about?

“Well, my loved ones KNOW I appreciate them,” is what many people say.  But is that really the case?  How can your loved ones possibly know for sure how you really feel unless you specifically tell them – unless you actually give them the gift of gratitude?

Make it a pledge that anytime you feel gratitude, you’ll express it right then and there.  You don’t have to make a big production about it.  Just a simple “thank you” will suffice.   This can include times like:

• Your spouse brings you a cup of coffee, or is just there for you when you’re feeling low.
• A co-worker holds the door or the elevator for you.
• A complete stranger lets you merge in front of them when they could have easily cut you off.
• You wake up feeling like it’s great to be alive.
• You see a rainbow or a beautiful sunset.

Or any one of a million things that can fill your entire being with a feeling of gratitude and thankfulness.  Go ahead and actually say the words, “thank you.”  Say it to the people around you, say it to the world, say it to God – just say it.  You’ll be amazed at how good it makes you feel as well as how it will change your outlook on life.  You’ll also be amazed at how differently people perceive you.

It’s a simple fact that the more you express gratitude, the more things to be grateful about will naturally come into your life.  Give it try and see if I’m not right.

Meister Eckhart, a medieval German philosopher said that, “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.”

Amen.

Hiram
Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

Technorati Tags: spiritual, gratitude, thankfulness, philosophy, life, attitude, mental health, balance

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1. Giving Thanks

All of us have reached  plateaus, a place where we’ve stopped growing, at one point or another.  These plateaus can be in any number of areas including physical training, dieting, spiritual growth, or the growth of a relationship.

Whatever the area, plateaus share a couple of characteristics:

1.  Steep sides. The steep sides of a plateau represent the hard work it’s taken us to get to where we currently are.  Whether it’s working out at the gym everyday or really trying hard to understand and be responsive to your spouse or loved one, the past couple of weeks have been filled with hard, difficult work.

2.  A flat top. After all the effort of climbing the steep sides, the flat top of a plateau tends to take you by surprise.  It seems like you’re still putting out the same amount of effort as you were when you were climbing the side, you’re just not getting any higher – in other words, you’re not growing.  This usually leads to:

3.  Redoubling your efforts. What’s the first thing most people try when they hit a plateau?  They think they can break through it by trying harder and redoubling their efforts.  Actually, that sometimes works to get you a little further along.  However, more often than not, you quickly find yourself right back where you started.  This eventually leads to the realization that:

4.  Old formulas just don’t work anymore. Having reached a plateau and redoubled your efforts only to find that you’re still stuck in the same place, you quickly realize that what you’ve been doing just doesn’t work as effectively anymore.  You can only build so much muscle with your existing training routine, for example, before you plateau out and have to change your routine because your old one just isn’t cutting it anymore.

So what’s the answer?  How do you break out of a plateau and start climbing and growing again?  The answer is actually part of characteristic number 4.

Once you’ve hit a plateau, the old formulas just don’t work anymore.  There are a number of reasons for this that I won’t get into here.  Just take it as fact that after a while, your usual routine just isn’t going to cut it anymore.

Therefore, you’ve got to change it.  You’ve got to try a different route.  To get off the plateau and start climbing (and improving) again, you’ve got to try something new in order to  “level up.”

What does it mean to “level up?”  According to Wikipedia, to level up means, “To progress to the next level of player character stats and abilities. Often used in role-playing games when the character has acquired enough experience points.”

If you’re a “gamer,” you already knew this.  In most video games, your character starts out at a starting level with a basic set of skills.  As you progress through the game, your character gains “experience points” for using those skills to accomplish specific tasks.  Once you gain enough experience, you “level up” to the next skill level.  Your skill set usually improves as well in order to tackle the tougher challenges of the new level.

Well, life is set up pretty much the same way, only with YOU as the main character.  The more you use the skill set you’ve got, the more experience you acquire.  However, there is a point beyond which you just can’t progress any further until you acquire more “experience points.”  In other words, you’ve got to learn how to use your skills in a different way, or in a different combination, or in a different order or intensity.

If it’s your workout routine that’s plateaued, change it up by rearranging the order of your exercises or by changing the intensity level.  If a relationship has plateaued, try using a different tone of voice or meet at a different type of setting or location.  Spiritual plateau?  Try meditating or praying at a different time of day than usual or in a different place, or even in a different position (standing instead of sitting or vice-versa).

Jim Rohn, one of my personal development mentors (via hours and hours of audio tapes) loves to say that, “the only way for things to change for you, is if you change.”

So if you feel like you’re putting in a lot of effort but not getting anywhere, if you feel like you’re butting your head against the same wall, if you’ve plateaued, then you need to change your approach.  Time to try something new, gain some new experience, and “Level Up!”

Hiram
Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

Technorati Tags: mountain, personal development, plateau, level up, video games, weight train, health, spiritual, relationship, experience

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Working for this type of person can obviously be very stressful but there’s more to it than that.  This stress can eventually manifest itself as physical ailments.

“So great.  Not only does my jerk of a boss make me feel like an idiot, you’re saying that this might be what’s causing my ulcers as well?”

Exactly.  Not only stomach problems, but heart-related problems like high blood pressure as well, not to mention lack of sleep, restlessness, nervousness, paranoia, and lack of libido.  The list goes on and on and includes the harmful ways that people try to copy including alcohol and drug abuse, overeating, and smoking.

“But times are tough and I’m lucky to have a job.  Shouldn’t I just put up with it?”

Well, everyone’s financial needs are different and no one can make that decision for you.  However, you do need to realize that you are in fact putting your health on the line every time you decide to simply “take it.”

Here are a couple of tips you can try to help you deal with a toxic boss:

1.  First, don’t be a doormat. No human being has the right to treat others in a demeaning manner.  If you really believe that statement, then you’ve got to stand up for yourself.  Make sure, however, that you remain calm and professional.  You obviously don’t want to lose your job but you’ve got to make it clear where the boundaries are.  Keep in mind that many toxic bosses are like schoolyard bullies – once you push back, they back off.  But again, try to remain as professional as you can.

2.  Try to keep your boss focused on the problem. If you totally screwed up, own up to it and take your lumps.  However, try to keep the argument focused on your actions, not on you personally.  It might be accurate to call your actions idiotic, but that doesn’t mean it’s OK for your boss to call you an idiot.

3.  Document the behavior. If things eventually get the point where you simply can’t continue to work there any longer, you want a documented record of what happened.  If you’re fired, your records may provide the grounds for a wrongful termination lawsuit.  If  you quit and find out later that your old boss is trying to tear down your reputation, your records can be used to bring a defamation lawsuit.  Now, I have no love whatsoever for lawyers but you do have to protect your reputation as well as  your ability to earn an income.

4.  Go public. Do not suffer alone.  If you’ve tried talking to your boss and the abuse continues, make sure you talk to your Human Resources department.

Yes, I know that many toxic bosses learned their management style by modeling toxic bosses they themselves might have had.  That doesn’t make their behavior any more acceptable in today’s workplace.  That’s no different than saying a child or spouse abuser is justified in their actions because they were abused as well.  You’ve got to break the cycle somewhere.

It begins with you understanding the emotional, and physical, toll that working for a toxic boss requires.  It begins with you knowing where your “line in the sand” is.  And it begins with you standing up for yourself anytime anyone crosses that line.

Here’s a pretty good short video I found that contains some additional tips you should consider.

Hiram
Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer

Technorati Tags: health, toxic boss, workplace, management, manager, working, emotional stress, physical stress, work stress

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1. Healthy Environment = Healthy Body

Not cool.

Whether you’re shopping for a guy or a gal, here are a couple of tips to make this Valentine’s Day special:

1.  Plan ahead. Nothing says “I really care about you” than something that takes advance planning – even if it’s just getting reservations at a favorite restaurant.  At the other extreme, nothing says “I just don’t think about you that much” as a box of chocolates with the price sticker still on the box.

2.  Make it personal. Yes, I know that Hallmark has a card for every occasion, and yes, some of them actually say what I want to say way better than I could say it myself.  But that’s not the point – and it’s not what your special someone wants to hear.  They want to hear it from you – in your own words, in your own way.  It’s not the “vehicle” that matters, it’s the message.  Make yours personal.  So this year, forget the store-bought cards and come up with something on your own.  It might be a song, a poem, or just a few sentences, just tell them how much they mean to you.

3.  If you’re going to be there, BE THERE. Don’t think that buying a gift and just leaving it on the kitchen counter gets you off the hook to go watch Sports Center or head to the gym.  Make the day special by giving of yourself.  Turn off the TV, set aside the magazine, get off the computer.  Don’t just be there physically, be there mentally, totally focused on the love of your life.

4.  Say “I Love You” Like you Mean It. No, I don’t mean the “You know I luv ‘ya” and the quick peck on the cheek as you run to catch the Nightly News.  Take the time to look deeply into each others eyes and say “I Love You” the way you did it when you first got together.

5.  Let The Mood Take You. Be open to going wherever the mood takes you.  That could mean making wild passionate love in the middle of the Living Room or just sitting together holding hands and watching an old movie.

6.  Recommit. One question that brings up some interesting discussion when someone says, “I love you,” is “How come?”  You might hear things like “because you let me be me” or “because you accept me the way I am” or something similar.  This does two things.  First, you hear what you’re doing right  (obviously you need to keep doing them!).  Secondly, by verbalizing their thoughts, the other person tends to reinforce and strengthen those feelings.  Now to be fair, you’ve got to be prepared to answer the same question for your partner.  Doing this is a great way to reconfirm your love for each other, recommit to the relationship, and re-ignite the passion as you remember exactly what attracted you to this person in the first place.

Have a great Valentine’s Day, this year and every year after that!

Hiram

Technorati Tags: relationships, love, valentine, heart, partner, feelings, passion

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I saw a cartoon once about people being in the Afterlife somewhere up in the clouds.  There was an escalator going up into a bright light with a sign at the bottom that said “Heaven” and an arrow pointing up.  Next to it, there was another sign pointing to a classroom that said, “Seminar on Heaven.”  Needless to say, all of the information junkies were in the seminar.

At the other end of the spectrum, “Action Addicts” only need a barest amount of information before they spring into action.  All they need is a sign that points them in the right direction and they’re halfway down the road.  Action Addicts would have jumped on the escalator to Heaven without even trying to find out what the qualifications were, what to pack, what to expect along the way, and so on.  They figure they can always find out any details they might need along the way.

Learning to Know versus Learning to Do

Many of us approach health and fitness the same way.  Some people (including myself), have an entire library of information on every kind of diet and exercise routine available but yet, never seem to have the time to eat right and exercise.  In contrast, the Action Addicts are too busy to read because they’re at the gym exercising all day.

One approach I’ve learned to help keep me balanced between these two modes has been to ask myself, “What do I plan to do with this information once I get it?”  If the answer is that I just want to “know,” then I jump into Information Junkie mode.  On the other hand, if the answer is that I need the information in order to “do something,” then I shift move towards Action Addict mode.

You see, there’s a big difference between learning something in order to know it, and learning something in order to put it to use (ie: to do something).  In the first cast, I can take my time and savor every detail.  I can picture things, real or imagined,  in my mind and arrange the information any order I want.

Learning to do, on the other hand, requires a different type of learning.  There, the emphasis is on action, on getting started so I would scan the material quickly only looking for Step 1.  I can’t afford the time to read all the details and I definitely can’t afford to get the order out of sequence.  I only need just enough information to get me to the first step, at which time I can go back and figure out how to get to the next step, and so on.

You Need Both

We need to be able to balance both types of learning.  You need to know how to exercise safely, but you also need to actually do it.  You need to know how to make healthy food choices but you also need to do it when you’re at the market, or at the buffet line.  You need to know, but you need to also do.

So before you pick up another book or magazine on health and fitness, ask yourself, “What do I plan to do with this information?”  Be sure to be honest with yourself.  If you’ve picked up a book of exercise routines just to see if someone has invented a new way to do a Bench Press, then go ahead and enjoy reading the entire book including the footnotes, index, and bibliography.  However, don’t try to justify buying the book by telling yourself that you really intend to do any of the exercises because all that will do is set you up for a guilt trip later on.

On the other hand, if you really do intend to get into shape and the book seems like it will help get you there, don’t spend all your time reading the whole thing.  Just get enough information to get started, and then get started.

Asking yourself what you plan to do with the information will save you time as well as make you much more effective.  It will also reduce the stress and number of guilt trips.

Try it for yourself and see…

Hiram
Certified Nutrition Fitness Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

Technorati Tags: information, health and fitness, guilt, nutrition, balanced health, books, action, doing, reading

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Now I know that most people believe in an afterlife but that’s not what this post is about.  This post is about extending the time you’ve got on this Earth as long as possible.

How do you live to be 100 or even older?  The answer is actually more simple that you might imagine.  The good part, no the great part, is that much of what prolongs our lives is completely within our control.

I was fascinated by a video I was watching recently on TED.  TED is a nonprofit that organizes lectures and educational series on a variety of topics including technology, entertainment, and design (where the letters T-E-D come from).

One of the videos was titled ” How to live to be 100+” by Dan Buettner. Mr. Buettner is a National Geographic writer and explorer. He’s been working to identify and study the areas of the world containing the longest-lived peoples, documenting the individual components of their lifestyle and culture that contribute to a long and healthy life. He’s the author of  the book, “Blue Zones” and his website is at www.bluezones.com (a great resource, by the way).

The Blue Zone Project

The Blue Zone Project was sponsored by National Geographic to identify areas of the world where people just seemed to live longer and to try to find out why.  What were these people doing, how were they living, and what was their diet like?  The findings, especially when contrasted with how we currently live, are pretty revealing.

Dan started by stating that one scientific study found that only about “10% of how long we live is determined by our genes.  The other 90% is determined by our lifestyle.”

Think about that for a minute.  That means that YOU AND I have 90% control over how long we live – and not just how LONG we live, but also HOW we live. That in itself should blow you away – not to mention filling you with a sense of empowerment.

Buettner also pointed out that when it comes to health-related information, there’s a lot of confusion about what helps us live longer.  He specifically mentioned to myths that we wanted to debunk right off the bat:

Myth 1:  If you try real hard, you can live to be 100.  False. Only about 1 out of 5000 people in America live to be 100 so your odds of making it are slim – at least here in America.  Biologically, we’re just not designed to live to a long age.  However, there are lifestyles we can lead that can prolong what time we do have.

Myth 2:  There are treatments that can slow or reverse aging.  Very false. Our bodies contain about 35 Trillion cells.  Those cells turn themselves over, or completely regenerate, about once every 8 years.  However every time they do, there’s some damage, some DNA or chromosome sequence that just isn’t copied exactly.  It’s like the days of vinyl record albums when you’d buy a new record and then make a cassette tape copy of the album.  You’d loan the cassette to your friend and they’d make a copy of it for themselves.  Then they’d loan their copy to someone else who would make another copy, and so on.  After doing this several times, the copy gets so bad that it’s basically useless.  The same thing is happening in our own bodies as our cells replicate, repair, and regenerate themselves — and it happens exponentially.  This is why a 65 year old is aging at a rate that’s about 125 faster than a 12 year old.

So Why Try?

So if the odds are against us and if there’s no way to stop or reverse aging, then what’s the point of trying?  Well, the best guess that scientists can give us on life expectancy is that our bodies are designed to last about 90 years on average (a little more for women).  But life expectancy in the US is only 78 years.  So therefore, we’re leaving at least 12 good years on the table.  That’s 12 additional years of healthy, disease-free living that all of us could enjoy with just a few basic changes to our lifestyle. And let me emphasize once again that this is something you and I have complete control over.

Buettner then goes on to identify and describe a few “blue zones” in the world, areas where people routinely live to be 100+ and there is only a fraction of the middle-age diseases that are so common in the US.  These areas include the highlands of Sardinia in Italy, parts of Okinawa, Japan, and members of the Seventh Day Adventists in Loma Linda, CA.  Although these groups are completely different from each other in terms of language and culture, their lifestyles share a lot of commonalities.  The study identified 9 things that they believe are the biggest factors in promoting longevity.

The Factors to a Long Life

These lifestyle factors included the following:

Move Naturally

1. They “move naturally.” Although going to a gym and working out is not part of the culture of the people in these “blue zones,” consistent exercise is built in to their lifestyles.  All of them live active lives that includes lots of physical activity.  Want to live to be 100?  You’re not going to do it sitting on the couch watching TV for most of the day.

Have the Right Outlook

2. They know how to downshift. The people in these groups work hard when it’s time to work, but they know how to relax when it’s time to relax.  They don’t allow stress and worry to carry over into their personal and family time.

3. They have a reason to get up in the morning, a purpose for living. One of the more touching parts of the video is a 102 Japanese woman holding her 1 year old great, great, great granddaughter.  Two women separated by 101 years.  Each of these cultures in “blue zones” have a strong sense of future and individual purpose.

Eat Wisely

4. Moderate alcohol consumption, mainly wine, is part of all of these cultures. Similarly, all of these cultures have strong social views towards excessive drinking.

5. Their diet is most plant based. None of these cultures is totally vegan but meat is always a side dish, not a main course.

6. They follow some type of 80% rule – a way to stop eating when their stomach is 80% full. This protects them from all of the diseases associated with overeating.

Connect with Others

7. They place loved ones first. They all take care of their children and the children all take care of their parents.  There are no senior or retirement homes.  The elderly are a functioning part of the family unit.

8. They all tend to belong to a faith-based community. This alone has been shown to be worth an additional 4 to 14 years to the average lifespan.  Having a support group to interact with provides numerous benefits.

9. They belong to the right “tribe.” All of the people in these “blue zones” that were 100+ were either born in to, or they purposely surrounded themselves with, the types of people that support a healthy lifestyle.  It’s a plain and simple fact that if your friends are overweight, the chances are that you’re overweight as well.  All of us tend to adopt the values, beliefs, and habits of those we spend the most time with.

Watch it For Yourself

The video is only about 16 minutes long and I think you’ll come away with a new determination to change a couple of things in your life.  The benefits — an average of an additional 12 years — is well worth the effort!

Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach andPersonal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

P.S.  Be sure to get my latest Fitness Blueprint called “Little Things That Improve Your Health.”  This ebook is packed with loads of helpful information on how to build a better body and you can get it FREE – no email, no cookies, no catch.  Download and enjoy!

Technorati Tags: health, balanced health, nutrition, fitness, age, elderly, longevity, living longer, seniors, long life, diet, life extension, anti-aging, life expectancy, dan buettner, national geographic, blue zone

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I overheard two people talking the other day while I was waiting in line for something or another.  One person was telling their friend their plans for the upcoming weekend.  They described in complete detail where they were going, who they were going with, what they were going to do when they got there and how wonderful and perfect everything was going to be.  They ended by saying that they just couldn’t wait for the weekend to get here.

The second person said something that was pretty profound and that has really stuck with me…

The second person said that they tried not to look ahead to the weekend because all it did was make the days go by too fast, like time was flying past them.  As a result, they felt constantly stressed out from trying to “catch up” but never being able to.  “Sure, the weekends came quickly, but you never get the chance to accomplish everything to wanted to do during the week and before you know it, the entire week is gone.  The problem with focusing on tomorrow is that you lose today.”

My first thought was, “Wow.”  I don’t think you can say it any better.  The problem with focusing on tomorrow is that you lose today.

Let me give you an example of this principle in action.  I’m writing this the week before Thanksgiving so it’s relatively late in the year.  Christmas will be coming up soon, and then New Year’s.  You know the drill.  So let me ask you, when you get together with friends or family this time of year, what’s the one thing that almost always comes up?  Someone invariably says, “Boy, the year has sure gone by fast!”  and everyone around, including you, agrees.

Another example is when you’re looking at pictures of your kids (or grandkids).  One of the first things you notice is how much they’re grown.  What’s the very next thought that comes into your head?  Right – how fast time has flown by.

Why is that?  Why is it that time seems to fly by so quickly, especially when we get older?  I think the main reason is  because we’re always looking forward to the next “weekend.”  It may not be the actual weekend we’re looking forward to, it could be 5 pm, or next Wednesday, or Sunday evening, or any other date or event in the future.  When we do that, when we focus on what we’ll be doing and experiencing in the future, we sacrifice the present.

Turning Off the Autopilot

Ever go into “autopilot” while you’re driving?  You’re cruising down the highway, it’s a beautiful day, and you’re thinking about what you’re going to do once you get to wherever it is you’re going.  You can picture exactly how you’ll feel, what you’ll say, how you’ll act and how everyone else will react.  Then, when you arrive at your destination, you can’t remember a thing about the actual trip.  You can’t remember the traffic, the lights, the construction, nothing.  Ever happen to you?

Sure, we’ve all done it.  We’ve all spent time in the future dreaming, thinking, planning, and that’s OK.  However, we all need to understand that when we’re on “autopilot,” or focusing on the future, we’re missing out on what’s going on around us right now.

I highly recommend that you make a conscious effort to turn off the “autopilot” periodically.  Schedule an appointment with yourself in your day planner if you have to and when the scheduled time comes, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and visualize yourself reaching over to a big switch labeled “Autopilot” and flipping it to “OFF.”  Now open your eyes.

What do you see?  Look at some of the individual things around you.  No, no, don’t do a quick sweep and say, “OK, done.”  Pause and look at the things around you.  Let your eyes naturally come to rest on one individual thing.  Now, look deeper.  Notice details, texture, color, shape.  Take the time to look at something and really see it.  Then take a deep breath and go on to the next item around you.  Forget about everything else.  In fact, nothing else exists right now except you and the item you’re looking at.  Focus on nothing else.  Take another deep breath.

Now, expand your focus and take in the entire room or the entire landscape.  Notice how all of the individual items fit together to form the bigger picture.  Notice how clear and colorful everything is.

How does this make you feel?  Did you see things you never saw before?  Did it generate some new ideas or thoughts about things you should be working on, or which direction you should be moving in?

For some people, quickly changing from a micro-focus to a macro-focus can be disorienting.  Some people actually get dizzy.  But being able to “stay in the moment” while visualizing and planning the future is key to achieving your goals.

Watching Where you’re Going as well as Where you Step.

Learning how to balance the “todays” with the “tomorrows” is a key part of a successful life.  Yes, you need both long term and short term plans.  You need to know that you’re heading in the right general direction and that all your efforts and hard work will eventually get you to the specific destination you planned on ending up at.  So you do need to focus on “tomorrow.”

However, you also need to make sure you’re watching where you place your next step.  Otherwise, you might step right off a cliff destroying any chance of ever reaching your long term goals.  In other words, you also need to focus on “today.”

My grandmother, who still remembered the horse-and-buggy days used to tell me to “keep your shoulder to the wheel but look up every once in a while to make sure you’re not pushing the cart into the ditch.” I think she had it right.  “Keep your shoulder to the wheel” means to focus on the things you need to do today in order to keep your goals moving forward.  The rest of the saying pretty much speaks for itself.  Don’t get so caught up in your day-to-day activities that your life goes into the ditch.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving Holidays!

Hiram
The Balanced Health Guy
Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach and
Personal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

Technorati Tags: goals, goal setting, planning, focus, visualize, health, emotion, balance, time management, future

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This is an example of a subconscious “anchor,” an action or a piece of information that gets set by others, but that significantly influences the decisions we make.

Anchors are everywhere and can take a number of forms.  The food companies are experts at making their food products look (color), sound (sizzle), smell (aroma) and feel (texture) soooo good that your mouth instantly starts watering.  An anchor gets set that makes you suddenly stop in front of that specific food the next time you’’re in the grocery store.

Now, a study to be published in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Consumer Research reveals that the eating habits of the people we eat with can have a significant influence on our own food intake.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  You’’re thinking, “”Of course.  Eating with big people who eat massive quantities of food will make me want to eat massive quantities of food as well.””  However, it turns out that it’’s not the “big people” you need to watch out for.  It’s the skinny ones with big appetites that you need to avoid.

All of us tend to mirror the actions of those around us, especially of the people we want to be like or who exhibit some characteristic (like being thin) that we want to have as well.  If you see a thin person grab a double helping of mashed potatoes in a buffet line, you’’re subconsciously going to think, “hey, that person is thin, I want to be thin, they’’re eating mashed potatoes, so I’’ll have some too.”  It’s called the “I’’ll-have-what-she’’s-having” syndrome and it’s a perfect example of the power of anchoring.  Unfortunately, the next thing you know your jeans are fitting a little too tight.

Of course, there are plenty of positive examples of anchoring as well.  In my Cardio Class for example, there’s a 17 year old guy that’’s in fantastic shape.  Whenever, we run sprints together, I can’’t help but try to out run the guy.  In fact, according to my heart rate monitor, I frequently push my heart rate well above my theoretical maximum just trying to keep up with him.  Of course he always beats me, but considering that there’’s a 40 year difference between our ages, I don’t feel too bad about my performance!  Although I know I’’m getting sucked into a competition I can’’t win, I still get some positive benefits from it.

So how do you prevent the way your own mind works from totally destroying your diet?  Here are some tips:

1.  Be aware of the anchors that are constantly trying to influence your behavior. In everything from shoes to toothpaste, “Madison Avenue” is constantly trying to get you to associate their product or service with a “gotta-have-it-now” state of mind.  See it for the sales pitch it is and then you choose how you will respond.

2.  Keep food in its proper place. The main purpose of food is to fuel your body, period.  Food is not for pleasure, or a form of escape, or something to help you cope with an unpleasant experience.  Work on any false beliefs or misconceptions you might have about food, or that involves food, because until you do, overeating will always be a part of your life.  Yes, this will be hard, especially if you belong to a culture where food is an integral part of every social event.

3.  Don’t let the group dictate your diet. Realize that your mother was right: – be careful who you associate with because your friends will shape you, including your eating habits and portion sizes.  Decide on what a normal meal is for you and then stick to it, no matter who you’’re with or where you go.  If you don’’t normally eat dessert, don’’t order one just because everybody else is getting one.

Finally, keep a close watch on your skinny friends -– especially the ones with bad eating habits!

Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach andPersonal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

P.S.  Be sure to get my latest Fitness Blueprint called “Little Things That Improve Your Health.”  This ebook is packed with loads of helpful information on how to build a better body and you can get it FREE – no email, no cookies, no catch.  Download and enjoy!

[tags]fitness, health, diet, eating, skinny, fat, food, anchor, behavior, overeating, weight[tags]

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Snoring can not only disrupt your sleep and keep you from getting enough rest, it can lead to more serious health problems including sleep apnea, high blood pressure, and heart problems.  So if you snore, how do you reduce its frequency or stop it altogether?   Here’s what’s worked for me.

First of all, a warning.  Snoring can be an indicator of a serious medical condition so if your snoring problem is severe (waking you, or your partner, more than twice a night or so), you should check with your doctor.   The Mayo Clinic website has some good information on what to expect when you see your doctor as well as the various treatments available.

What Causes Snoring.

What causes snoring in the majority of cases is that the soft tissue of the upper palette (at the back of the mouth) relax during sleep and sag to the point that they begin to vibrate loudly as you breathe.  Like the guy in the picture above, most people who snore tend to sleep on their back for most of the night.   Many also tend to use a soft pillow that allows their head to tilt slightly back.  This allows the mouth to naturally open during sleep.   As a result, they then begin to breathe through their mouth resulting in snoring.  Although I didn’t pick this picture specifically for this reason, it does a really good job of showing you what the main problem is.

(Please note that I purposely excluded snoring caused by any type of obstruction or sinus condition.  These are more serious conditions and require professional treatment.   The suggestions that follow will not be effective for these types of conditions.)

The Fastest Way to Stop Snoring.

OK, so far you know that what causes snoring is the soft tissue at the back of the mouth and throat that tends to sag when we sleep.  Sleeping on our back tends to promote mouth breathing which causes the soft tissue to vibrate loudly resulting in snoring.   So what’s the fastest way to stop snoring?  Easy.   Don’t sleep on your back!

Once I got comfortable spending most of the night sleeping on my side, my snoring essentially stopped completely.  Why?   For two reasons.  First, the soft tissue at the back of my mouth doesn’t block my airway since I’m not laying on my back, and second, my mouth doesn’t fall open so I don’t breathe through my mouth most of the night.

So how do you learn to get comfortable sleeping on your side?  Here are a few tips:

1.   Check your mattress. Make sure your mattress is pliable enough to make sleeping on your side comfortable.   I know a lot of people prefer a firm mattress because a soft one makes their back hurt.  However, their back usually hurts because, you guessed it, they mostly sleep on their back.  I didn’t say you needed a soft mattress, just one that’s pliable or soft enough so that you can sleep on your side without feeling sore or stiff in the morning.   The “memory foam” mattresses are good as are the “sleep number” beds, which is what I use.

2.  Get the right sized pillow. Many people are sleeping on a pillow that’s too high for them.   Why?   Again, because they usually sleep on their back and they want to have their heads tilted slightly forward so that they don’t wake up with a sore neck.   If you try to sleep on your side using a pillow that’s too high, you’ll definitely be uncomfortable and will naturally want to roll back onto your back during the night.  I use one of those contoured “memory foam” pillows that are designed to support your neck as well as keep your head level when you’re laying on your side.

3.  Use “props.” Push pillows or a rolled up quilt or blanket up against your back in order to “prop” yourself on your side.  This will make it more difficult for you to roll over on to your back during the night.  You can also find “knee pillows” or “body pillows” that might help you be more comfortable sleeping on your side.

4.  Use a tennis ball. I don’t remember where I read about this but it works great.  Take a tennis ball and put it into a sock.  Then pin the sock to the back of your pajama top (or tee shirt) so that the ball is positioned around the small of your back.   Then go to sleep lying on your side.  Believe me, if you try to roll over on to your back during the night, the tennis ball will make it so uncomfortable that you’ll immediately switch back to your side.  This is more of a “last resort” technique but it works great!

What Worked for Me.

I accidentally “trained” myself to sleep on my side while I was using the PureSleep anti-snore device (see the Reviews section or use the Search box).  Using the device kept my mouth partially open and made me drool all night long (see “The Pros and Cons of PureSleep”).   I wasn’t snoring anymore but I was still waking up several times during the night with drool running down my cheek.  The only way I could keep my mouth clear was to sleep on my side which allowed the drool to flow freely.  Now all I had to worry about was waking up on a wet pillow!

I know it sounds gross (and it was) but the point is that I eventually trained my body to sleep on it’s side.  After a while, I found I didn’t need the PureSleep device at all anymore.  Now I have the best of both worlds – I don’t snore anymore because I sleep on my side, and since I don’t need the PureSleep device anymore, I don’t have the drooling problem either.

Other Helpful Techniques.

Here are a couple of other things that will help support your anti-snoring efforts:

1.  Lose some weight. It’s a fact that the more overweight we are, the more likely we are to sleep on our backs.  The more weight you’re carrying around, the harder it’s going to be to learn to sleep on your side.   Being overweight is related to so many health issues, including snoring, that losing a few pounds should be a priority anyway.

2.  Don’t drink alcohol close to bedtime. Drinking alcohol makes your muscles relax even more than they would normally.   This makes your snoring problem even worse — which might drive your partner to drink!

3.  Try nasal strips. I didn’t have good luck with these but they may work for you.   They do in fact work.  The nasal strip gently pulls up on the sides of your nose and opens the nasal passages a little wider allowing more air in.   My problem was that my skin became irritated by the adhesive on the strips. It got to where pulling off the nasal strip in the morning also meant pulling off a good portion of skin so I quit using them.  However, they’re relatively inexpensive and definitely worth a try.

4.   Try an “anti-snore” pillow. Whether your pillow is advertised as  ”anti-snore” or not, get a good pillow that keeps your head positioned correctly when you’re on your side.   If your head and neck isn’t positioned correctly, you’ll never sleep comfortably on your side.  You can find a wide variety of pillows including those that are contoured, which is what I use.   I don’t recommend one over another, just that you find one that keeps your neck and head aligned properly and that’s comfortable for you.

5.  Exercise regularly. Regular exercise will help keep your air passages clear, tone your muscles, and help you shed a couple of extra pounds.   You’ll also tend to sleep deeper and better.

Snoring is not something that you, or your partner, have to put up with.  There are things that you can try that can make a big difference.  The thing I found that made the biggest difference for me was learning how to spend the majority of the night sleeping on my side.  Give it try and see if it works for you too.

Certified Fitness Nutrition Coach andPersonal Fitness Trainer (NESTA)

P.S.  Be sure to get my latest Fitness Blueprint called “Little Things That Improve Your Health.”  This ebook is packed with loads of helpful information on how to build a better body and you can get it FREE – no email, no cookies, no catch.  Download and enjoy!

Technorati Tags: sleep, snore, snoring, anti-snore, PureSleep, pillow, sleeping, apnea, rest, health

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It’s a horrible thing to go through.  Everyone runs around trying to look busy but no work is actually being performed.  How could it?  There are bigger issues to consider.  Every time two or more people get together, the first priority is to trade the latest rumors, opinions, or predictions.

And then it comes.  It’s your turn.  The skies seem to darken and it becomes difficult to breathe as your manager’s voice comes over the intercom, “I need to see you in my office.”  You can’t feel your legs as you walk down the hall in a daze while everyone looks at you with a sympathetic look that basically says  “dead man walking.”  And just like that, your job is gone.

How do you live through losing your job?  How do you possibly carry on?  How do you survive a layoff?

Part of You is Lost.

For most of us, our job is part of who we are.  It helps defines us.  Rightly or wrongly, most us identify very closely with what we do for a living.  What’s the very first question (at least for guys) that you ask, or get asked, right after you met someone for the first time?  It’s usually something like,  “What kind of work do you do?”

That’s what makes it so hard to deal with losing your job.  You feel like a part of you has died, and to some extent, it has.  You go through the same emotions that you would at the end of a love affair or the death of a family member.  So it might help to start by knowing what those emotions are so you can be prepared for them when they hit you.

The Phases of Grief.

Experts tell us that most people go through the following emotional phases as part of the grieving process.  Some people go through each phase pretty quickly and some get stuck in one phase or another.  The phases are:

• First is Shock.  You’re dumbfounded and dazed at the news that your job is ending.  You can’t think, you can’t feel.  You just feel numb.  Once the reality begins to sink in however, your initial shock wears off and you move to the next phase.
• Second, is Denial and/or Bargaining.  You can’t believe this is happening to you, no, you won’t believe it!  Or you try to “bargain” with your boss, or even with God, in order to reverse the situation.  However, once you realize that nothing is changing, you move to the next phase.
• Next is Guilt.  You begin to think that maybe it was your own fault that you lost your job.  You start thinking things like “if only I had worked harder” or “if only I hadn’t messed up that report.”  If only.  Unfortunately, a lot of people get stuck in this phase.  When you finally realize that getting laid off was not your fault, you move to the next phase.
• Anger.  Now you get pissed at your boss, at your company, at your coworkers, at everybody.  You seem to be filled with anger.  You think, “Well if they can’t appreciate the job I was doing, then screw them!”  This anger provides the energy that you’ll need in order to make it through the next phase.
• Depression - another phase that some people get stuck in.  You can’t afford to spend too much time here.  Yes, I know it feels good to wallow in despair but after you’ve counted up all your bills, gone through a couple boxes of tissues and wondered, “how are we ever going to get through this,” you’ve got to move on to the final stage.
• Acceptance and Determination.  In this last stage, you’ve finally come to the realization that your job is gone and that your boss isn’t going to call saying that it was all a big mistake.  At this stage, you accept what’s happened and you’re ready to move forward.  You’re ready to re-take control of your life.

It’s key to understand that everybody goes through these phases.  It’s a natural part of grieving the loss of your old job and the part of you that used to work there.   The trick is getting through these emotional phases as quickly as possible.  Obviously, the quicker you get through them, the sooner you can get back out there and begin to put the pieces of your career back together.

Here are some tips that will help you move from one phase to another.

Moving Past It.

First, get yourself in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and understand fully that YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB.  The fact that your job was terminated does not make you any less than the wonderful, talented person you already are.  It really is the company’s loss, not yours.  Look at yourself in the mirror and actually say the words, “I am not my job.  I am still the wonderful, talented person I was before and I WILL make it through this.  I WILL find another job.” Once you can do this without feeling any doubt or reservation, you’re on your way to getting back on your feet.

Second, let your emotions rule — but not for too long. It’s OK to feel angry, guilty, or depressed.  It’s OK to watch TV and eat ice cream all day.  Let your emotions out and let them rule — but don’t let yourself get stuck there.  Set a time limit.  Tell yourself that, “Tuesday is my ‘feel-sorry-for-myself’ day.  The rest of the week I’ll be working full time on getting myself employed again.” Don’t try to keep your emotions bottled up inside.  That never works.  They’re going to eventually come pouring out and that’s OK — as long as they come out on your timetable, not theirs.

Next, don’t suffer in silence. Let everyone know you’ve been laid off.  Don’t feel guilty or embarrassed because you’ve lost your job.  Tell everyone you know — and even the people you don’t know — that you’ve been laid off.  First of all, the emotional support and encouragement will help lift you up.  Second, you never know when someone will know about a job opening somewhere.  So don’t suffer in silence.  Find a support group, or a networking group, or just hang out with your friends.  Now more than ever it’s important that you keep your social connections active.

Fourth, don’t kid yourself. It’s important that you stay rooted in reality when it comes to your finances.  If you need to modify your lifestyle, do so sooner rather than later.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can get a job anytime and therefore, you can afford to continue to spend like there’s no tomorrow.  Getting a new job takes time, especially nowadays with countless interviews, background and reference checks, medical and drug tests, and so on.  You need to plan for that.

Finally, get back out there with optimism and determination. You DO have talent.  You WILL find another job.  Sure, it’s a royal hassle going from place to place and filling out countless applications but that’s just part of the process.  You have to believe that each application, each interview, gets you a little bit closer to getting hired.  Your job hunting “engine” is fueled by optimism and determination so make sure you keep an ample supply of both.

Stay Healthy.

Throughout this process, make sure you keep your body healthy by eating right and exercising.  It’s OK to have some “comfort food” once in a while but don’t make it a routine part of your diet — and don’t forget to work it off with plenty of exercise.  Exercise and proper nutrition will help you work through those “poor me” periods and stay focused on moving forward towards a new job or career.

Keep The Faith.

In conclusion, keep your faith strong.  Things will get better.  Your life will eventually return to normal.  You will survive.

Hiram
The Balanced Health Guy

Technorati Tags: layoff, depression, grief, laid off, fired, employment, job, economy, recession, work, downsized

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The following post is not one of mine and you can probably find it on other sites.  But the advice it gives is still pretty good and may help you and your spouse find some time for each other.  I hope you enjoy it.  — Hiram

The first thing to do is consider all the distractions of daily life. With children, time commitments can be significant and can be all encompassing. There are car pools, school meetings, sports, birthday parties, homework, shopping trips, and it seems never ending sometimes. These things all help a child to develop social skills and are very important; however, so is your time alone with your spouse and you must try to find a balance.

Spreading the Load

Maybe you can figure a way to lighten the burden on both of you with regards to all the children’s activities by involving others, such as grandparents or aunts and uncles, to take on some of the picking up and dropping off chores. Most grandparents would love to have more time with their grandkids and would find the drive time a good opportunity to communicate more with the kids. What seems like a chore to you could be very enjoyable for the grandparents. Today kids are so busy that they often have little time to spend hours with grandparents so these encounters can be a special time.

Maybe you can have a party away from your home at a pizza place or at a sporting event so you do not have to spend hours cleaning and preparing foods, etc. There are bird spotting tours and leaf identification tours that are lead by a Park Ranger which kids will love and will teach them the joys of being outside and nature. The time they are on the supervised hike can be a good time for you and your husband to take a short walk together and discuss some important issues or just relax and spend the time together.

Finding Time for the Two of You

The idea is to look at the week activities and see what time you can carve out for you and your husband alone. To have that time to speak to your spouse uninterrupted and to show care and concern are vital to a good marriage. It will make the time you do spend with the children much more productive for them and you as well.

A child senses when the parents are in sync in their marriage. The old saying, “The best gift you can give a child is happy parents” holds true in this modern day and age when everyone is so rushed and so intent on doing everything quickly. Take some time to preserve your love and concern for your husband or wife and it will pay off in happier children and more loving and nurturing for the family as a whole.

Plan your life and do not just let the world set up all the pressures that need to be met. Make your own goals for your family, your marriage, and your peace of mind.

Technorati Tags: family, relationships, marriage, romance, time management, grandparents, stress, children

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In this video, popular author Eckhart Tolle discusses the importance of being present in a relationship.

What does he mean – be present?  Of course I’m present.  I’m physically there, right?

Well, there’s more to it than that.  Being present means being there, right there and no where else.  It means not thinking about work, or the weekend, or what’s on TV.  If you’re talking to someone you care about, it means listening not only to their words, but also how they’re saying it, how their lips move, how their body is positioned, taking it all in.

When you listen to someone with your entire being, you REALLY hear what they’re saying.  THAT’s being present.

Can you even imagine what a change this would bring to your relationships?  Can you picture it?  Can you think how it would make you feel if someone gave YOU their full attention?

Take a look at the video.  It’s only 7 minutes long.  You’ll be glad you did.

Hiram

The Balanced Health Guy

Technorati Tags: relationships, marriage, tolle

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As shown on the diagram that’s part of this article, total health is made up of several areas or components, two of them are inside your body (internal) and two of them are outside (external). To learn how these components interact and affect your overall health, read on.

The areas that make up your total health include:

• Physical. This is what most of us think of when we think of things like health, fitness, diet, and so on. This is also the area that most fitness plans focus on.
• Mental and Spiritual. The “brain and soul” of our lives controlling what we think as well as our emotions.
• Relationships. The number and types of relationships you have with others can have a significant effect on your physical health.
• Environment. The type of environment where you spend most of your time – your home, your work setting, your classroom – all affect your body, mind, and spirit.

All of these components are interconnected, ether supporting or detracting from, the others. Keeping them in balance so that they support each other to achieve total wellness is what balanced health is all about.

Most health and fitness plans focus on only one part of the equation. For example, an exercise program only focuses on your physical body without taking into consideration the effect this is having on your mental and spiritual health, your relationships with others, or taking into account the health effects of your environment. By working so hard on just one part of your health, you’re actually pulling the other components further and further out of balance. The end result? Your overall health and wellness suffers.

So don’t fall for short term results that may actually cause long term health problems. Don’t get so focused on dieting or lifting weights that your family relationships suffer, for example. Make sure that your health and fitness program addresses (and balances) all the components that make up total wellness.

Hiram
The Balanced Health Guy

Technorati Tags: balanced health, physical, mental, spiritual, relationships, environment, diet, health

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